Monday, February 23, 2004

It's getting to be a little more anxious here as I await the final judgement of my work. Frankly, I have no idea what is expected of me. I will write a summary of my work in Italian and present it during the defence but I am not sure if that is what I'm supposed to do. I'm too scared to ask. I will just hope that that is enough and nothing bad will occur.

I just hate having to study and hate having to do it in Rome. No one seems to understand. They seem to tell me that it's okay because they have done it before. Maybe they don't have that negative feeling that I have. Maybe they like it here and only miss home. I don't like it here not because of the Italians, I mean the normal Italians. I mean those who are sitting with their butts in their offices up in you know where trying to make decisions for the rest of the world. Do they understand the world they live in? They only care for their own way of thinking. It's the kind of thinking that have run off so many of their own people. They hide behind the doctrines and say that God has a plan and they are doing God's work. Well, I believe that God will make bad things into good but they shouldn't just assume that God will make good things from bad they can do what they want. Did they ever think that they are doing the bad things that God would have to do good from? Self-righteous people are like that. I hope that in my old age, I will learn to keep my mouth shut and let God lead, not lead, thinking that God is behind me. I think that I should let God be in front.

Has Christianity become a long list of do's and don'ts. To many people, that's what Christianity has become. Why don't these people ask what Christ would want done? They depend on their high philosophy and theology to say their stuff and expect us at the grassroots to carry them out, without considering the kind of suffering and pharisaic legalism that they are imposing. Sigh! Such is RC today. I am part of it and I know I can't leave it. I made a promise to God and I have to keep it. I am probably going to suffer a lot for what I have just written. Sigh! This is afterall my personal opinion. I am not teaching it and I don't think anyone would actually read this ...

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